Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Ministry of Rice, FAQ and Troubleshooting (excerpts from a draft)

Q: What is a monthly-pound-of-rice voucher?

A: It is a voucher with which you can claim your monthly pound of rice.

Q: How do I apply for a monthly-pound-of-rice voucher?

A: You need to be at least 21 years of age, application form filled out (write to us for an application packet); proof of work; proof of residence; proof of qualifying number of people benefiting from your monthly pound of rice (not fewer than four, each of whom must submit proof of dependency, included in application packet); proof of merit; no record of crimes, including crimes of moral turpitude; certificate of moral solvency issued within the last two weeks of your effective application; three referees (each of whom must submit their respective proofs listed above, except proof of dependency as referees must not be dependent upon anybody else); and a letter from a doctor affiliated to The Wellness Network for a Healthy Happy People (TWNFAHHP), in which he or she certifies your need for rice. Letters from doctors not affiliated to the TWNFAHHP are not accepted. You must submit a cover letter listing the aforementioned items as enclosures, in the order specified above, plus a self-addressed stamped envelope.

Q: How do I know if my monthly-pound-of-rice voucher application was approved?

A: We receive many applications and have a limited number of Ministry of Rice Application Processing Agents (MORAPA). Your application will be assigned to a MORAPA. To determine whether your application has been assigned to a MORAPA, please see our website for the receipt date of applications currently being processed. Do not contact us to inquire into the status of your application. If we inform you that your application was approved, it was approved. If we inform you that your application was rejected, it was rejected. If you do not hear from us, either your papers got lost somewhere or who knows. In exceptional cases, we might process your application late, but only if the application satisfies the conditions mentioned above. Applications which at the moment of review have reached their expiration date and time, or are within 72 hours of reaching their expiration date and time, do not qualify for late processing.

Q: Why was I rejected?

A: For several reasons, lack of sufficient documentation and/or errors in the application being among the most common. Due to the volume of applications that we process, we cannot give you an account of what was wrong; it is for you to find out. We recommend that you keep several copies of each document submitted: this would help you detect the possible source of rejection. The next time you must be more careful at providing the right documentation in a timely manner. Rejections often result from monthly applications having expired as a consequence of not being processed on time.

Q: Do I need an ID to buy rice?

A: Yes. Both your ID and personalized monthly-pound-of-rice voucher are required to check in at the selling point.

Q: Where do they sell rice?

A: In a number of locations, obviously. You may find rice anywhere during business hours of each respective location (for example, at a hardware store, a stadium, a kindergarten room, the post office, a movie theater, the hospital, or your boss’s house). People standing in line may be an indicator; however, there are different motives for standing in line. While you could always ask if you are in the correct line, nothing guarantees that you will obtain the desired answer―or that the answer obtained, even if desirable, is the correct one.

Q: I cannot find rice anywhere.

A: Ask yourself these two fundamental questions:

1) “How hard have I tried to find rice?” Try harder the next time. You have probably not tried hard enough. You can always try harder.

2) “Do I really need rice?” Consider other options, like corrugated cardboard, mandarin lessons, a plumber or a thimble, which sometimes are easier to obtain. However, keep in mind that these items obviously do not qualify for purchases with the monthly-pound-of-rice voucher, and—naturally— that they each need their respective vouchers.

Q: I heard the other day that they were selling rice at the bus station. I went there and stood in line for several hours—only to find that it had been sold out one week earlier.

A: By indulging in rumor you contribute to the spreading of it. Experiences like this constitute irrefutable proof that rumors do not help anyone to find rice. On the other hand, it might have occurred to you that those wasted hours could have been used to stand in the correct line.

Q: My monthly-pound-of-rice voucher is going to expire in one week. Although I have tried to use it since I received it three days ago, it has been impossible so far. I have either stood in the wrong line or the rice had been sold out before I could check in.

A: Be aware of this simple fact: nobody will ever find rice by standing in the wrong line. A successful search is about being at the right place and time, with a positive attitude. Do the right thing and be positive: after all, you still have time to keep trying.